Adopting the Dominatrix mindset...

No performance...Nothing to explain...

Firstly… I should start by stating that I am not a traditional dominatrix (everyone in the room gasps). My very specific, self-given title is actually Erotic Hypnotist and/or Hypno Domme. Some may call me pedantic for having to highlight this, but I do believe the distinction is important, and that no one should assume my words come from the experience of a traditional dominatrix. (There are plenty of people far more qualified to speak on that experience, for those willing to look, and then listen.)

I think where people tend to breed confusion with me is that I am both professional and lifestyle. There is, in fact, a fine line between my work and my personal interests. I have frequently shared my escapades with you all online, and as such I completely understand the confusion.

This being said… a topic I do feel completely and utterly over-qualified to speak on is mindsets, very specifically, the mindset of a Domme.

I have stated in previous writings that my journey to where I am wasn’t necessarily linear. I would love to tell you all that I burst into the world as a raging bitch and spent my existence letting everyone know about it… but that would be a lie. And though I’m quite fond of manipulation, I cannot abide lying. What I will say is that I recognise I always had something in me. Regardless of previous mindsets, I have always been slightly too opinionated, argumentative, and rebellious for me to assume otherwise.

But this isn’t something that makes me particularly special.

I think all women and girls, whatever kind of woman or girl you are, are instilled with these invisible, unusually restrictive rubber bands that snap internally when we express (whether outwardly or inwardly) anything that contradicts how we have been taught to be. It is brainwashing at its finest. Because even when you are raised in a particular way, you still have the whole world blaring at you what the ideal is… how you are meant to act, and who you are meant to be.

And I can attest to this. To be frank, as a child I was a little weirdo, and my parents very much nurtured that side of me. But going out into the world and realising that I was not celebrated for my differences, often actively disliked for them, was a very hard lesson to learn.

My point is this: it took a lot of hard lessons for me to reach where I am (and I still have further to go). I spent much of my life performing roles I was never built for, and in the process, made myself pretty miserable.

And that really is the secret to the dominatrix mindset…

Stop performing. And stop feeling guilty about it.

“But Kismet… isn’t being a dominatrix just another performance?”

Technically… yes, it is. But here’s some food for thought...

Consider the quintessential dominatrix in your mind. Obvious things might be leather, latex, thigh-high boots, but let’s consider attitude and behaviour for a moment. Our general stereotypes might include:

• Almost over-stated confidence

• A sense of unapologetic greed

• A demanding nature

• Ruthlessness

• Command

• Evil

• Cruelty

• An “I don’t give a fuck about you” attitude

  
  

And honestly, I could go on. But the important part of these traits is that a dominatrix performs them without apologising in the same breath. Our concept of a dominatrix is an amalgamation of extremes, traits that sit in direct opposition to what society generally wants women to be. And I think that’s exactly why the idea is so tantalising to some. Because it offers relief from the realities many people live under.

Now, to be clear, I don’t think it’s necessary for anyone to go out smacking men to learn how to adopt a dominatrix mindset (though, 10/10 would recommend). What we are actually talking about is learning not to feel guilt over exhibiting very normal, very human behaviours and traits.

In my mind, it’s the small things that matter most, the quiet, consistent choices that build over time.

Women, generally, are chastised for being too much, too little, not fitting beauty standards, not fitting ideals… And what I am simply saying is this: stop feeling guilty about it.

Because when someone looks at you as you are and expresses distaste, what they are really saying is, “I value my stage over yours.”

You were made to be seen on your own stage. Not someone else’s.

And I want to be clear here, this isn’t me saying I’ve “figured it all out.” I haven’t. I still catch myself shrinking sometimes. I still notice the impulse to explain, to justify, to soften the edges so I don’t make anyone uncomfortable. Old habits die hard.

But the difference now is that I notice it. And more often than not, I choose not to indulge it.

That, for me, is the dominatrix mindset. Not cruelty. Not performance. Not posturing. Just the slow, deliberate unlearning of guilt. The decision to stop contorting myself into something more acceptable. The refusal to keep acting grateful for space I already occupy.

And if that spills into my work - erotically, psychologically, professionally - good. It should. I don’t believe in compartmentalising the self to make other people more comfortable. I believe in coherence. In letting who you are bleed, a little, into everything you touch.

So no, this isn’t about leather, or whips, or playing a role particularly well. It’s about opting out of the constant, exhausting performance of being “palatable”.

And once you stop performing…people feel it.