Male Chastity: Learning to Wait...
There is something curious about choosing to wait for something you could otherwise have immediately. Especially when that something is pleasure. We spend so much time discussing what we want, how to obtain it, and whether we are getting enough of it, that the decision to go without can seem rather peculiar.
And yet, for some submissive men, that decision holds a great deal of meaning.
Chastity interests me because it gives desire somewhere to meet commitment. It is quite easy to enjoy the idea of obedience when the instruction happens to coincide with what you already wanted. Waiting asks a little more of you. There is time to reconsider, to become impatient, to invent a remarkably convincing reason why your own agreement should no longer apply… we can be very creative when we want something.
But there is also time to discover satisfaction in following through.
I think that deserves a conversation. What do men find in sexual restraint? Why has it appeared in such different forms throughout history? And within submission, what might the practice teach someone about their own expectations, their patience, and the attention they give to another person?
Before I give you my perspective, let’s spend a little time with where these ideas have been.
A little history before I give you my opinion…
Male sexual restraint has a history that extends considerably further than the device many of you are currently thinking about.
In the ancient Greek world, sexual abstinence could form part of athletic preparation. A historical account of Iccus of Taranto describes him avoiding sexual relationships before competition, alongside careful attention to his diet. The relationship between sexual activity and athletic performance has continued to attract discussion for centuries, though that longevity should not be mistaken for proof that abstinence improves performance; the available evidence remains limited and mixed (Stroppiana, 1989; Stefani et al., 2016).
In Christian religious life, chastity became part of a broader framework of devotion and discipline. The Rule of Saint Benedict includes the instruction to love chastity among its instruments of good works. For Franciscan friars, the three knots in their cord represent poverty, chastity, and obedience: commitments shaping an entire way of life (Order of Saint Benedict, n.d.; Franciscan Missionaries of the Eternal Word, 2017).
The motives here differ, but both examples interest me because restraint was given a purpose beyond simply counting how long someone could go without.
There is also a less appealing part of this history. The Science Museum Group holds anti-masturbation devices dated 1880–1920, developed within a medical culture that attributed serious physical and mental illness to masturbation. Its account traces the influence of the physician Samuel Auguste Tissot, who argued that the loss of semen depleted vital energies (Science Museum Group, n.d.).
Fear can acquire remarkable authority when someone presents it as medicine.
Those beliefs are not the foundation of my approach. And these examples, taken together, are a few strands of history rather than a straight line leading to contemporary kink. People have practised restraint for different reasons, with very different understandings of the body, sexuality, and duty.
Chastity itself has also meant different things. In religious contexts it can describe a sexual ethic, including within marriage. In contemporary male submission, we are usually discussing agreed limits on gratification or release, sometimes involving a device. The agreement needs to define what is being practised.
Wanting something… and learning to wait
My perspective comes from someone who works with, and personally values, domination and submission. Within that context, I think chastity can be a wonderful tool for learning to put immediate gratification last.
I have written before about the difference between finding submission appealing and cultivating a dynamic with substance. Many men find the idea of a dominant woman compelling, but the reality asks something of them too. It requires patience, attention, and a willingness to let her priorities occupy space that their own desires might otherwise fill entirely.
Chastity can give that willingness something practical to do.
You have made an agreement. You still have desires. Now you have to consider how you will behave when the two do not conveniently align.
That is where I find the practice interesting. The waiting creates an opportunity to notice expectations that might otherwise pass unquestioned. Do you interpret frustration as a reason to abandon the commitment? Do you become preoccupied with negotiating a reward? Can you give your attention to something, or someone, without requiring it to lead immediately back to your own pleasure?
For some men, I believe working with those questions can be valuable. Patience gets practised in the moments when you would rather have what you want already. Endurance develops a meaning when you know why you have chosen to continue.
And satisfaction can come from keeping your word. From following through. From recognising that the commitment matters to you even while it asks something of you.
I do not find it particularly interesting to measure submission solely by the number of days someone completes. I am considerably more interested in how they participate in those days.
Obedience, chastity, and devotion
I found myself drawn to the Franciscan idea of a commitment given a physical form. A knot you can see and return to, carrying the meaning of something you have promised.
In my own imagery, I have borrowed that three-knotted idea and arranged it into an inverted triangle. The meanings I have chosen are obedience, chastity, and devotion. This is a personal adaptation, rather than an established historical symbol, but those three words express something important about my approach.
Obedience gives an agreement practical expression. Chastity provides a particular boundary to work with. Devotion gives the effort somewhere to belong.
Within a consensual dynamic, putting your own gratification last can be a deliberate act of care. Your desire remains present, but you make room for the person whose guidance you have chosen to follow. That can involve attention, service, and ordinary responsibilities as much as the experience of waiting itself.
Some people may also discover that anticipation and denial hold their own satisfaction. My interest is in giving that experience enough attention that someone can understand what it means to them, rather than assuming everyone will find the same thing.
This is my perspective, not a universal prescription for men. The commitment should be freely chosen, with boundaries that remain discussable and consent that remains yours to withdraw. Taking submission seriously includes taking that responsibility seriously too.
And where does hypnosis come into this?
As many of you know, hypnosis is central to my work. So when I consider a practice that asks someone to respond differently to desire, I also find myself considering attention, imagination, and the meaning they attach to the experience.
A person can be entirely sincere about a commitment and still struggle when the moment comes to practise it. Wanting to follow through and knowing how to approach a difficult moment are separate things.
The American Psychological Association describes hypnosis in terms of focused attention, reduced awareness of peripheral stimuli, and an increased capacity to respond to suggestion. Attention and responsiveness are important here; the experience involves participation, rather than someone acquiring ownership of your mind (American Psychological Association, 2024).
This is where I see a role for guided hypnotic practice. Through attention, imagery, suggestion, and repetition, I can invite someone to notice an urge and rehearse a response they have chosen in advance. Waiting might become time spent returning to a promise; frustration might become a reminder to pause and recall why they made that agreement. The aim is to offer a familiar practice they can return to when the commitment becomes difficult, with room to reflect on what they find useful.
I see hypnosis here as a guiding practice. Responses differ between people, and its value in this particular context should be judged through their experience rather than assumed from general research on hypnosis. Research describing hypnosis does not, by itself, establish that it improves someone’s ability to complete a chastity commitment.
For those of you taking Locktober seriously…
These ideas have shaped the Locktober training programme I am preparing. It is written for people who are serious about completing the month and would like guidance alongside that commitment. People willing to give the practice time and attention, who want a tool they can return to throughout the process.
It combines guided hypnotic audios and loops with a workbook, written exercises, and reviews. The exercises give you somewhere to record what you notice; the reviews ask you to look at how you are progressing. There is room for those using a device and those approaching chastity through a commitment alone.
My intention is to offer a framework you can actually use. When your initial enthusiasm becomes less reliable, you have material to revisit and questions to work through. Completing the month is the goal you bring; the programme offers guidance for how you approach it.
The programme gives you a practice to return to throughout the month. Make space in your day to listen, reflect, and work through the exercises, allowing the guidance to become part of how you approach your commitment.
If that is the kind of support you are looking for this Locktober, I will be sharing the programme details on my website and through my mailing list (Which you can find here- Blog)
And for those who have practised chastity before, I would be interested to hear what you found in the waiting. Was it patience? A greater sense of devotion? Or did it reveal expectations you had not noticed until you could no longer immediately satisfy them?
Until next time, darling…
References
American Psychological Association. (2024, April 1). Uncovering the new science of clinical hypnosis. Monitor on Psychology, 55(3). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/science-of-hypnosis
Franciscan Missionaries of the Eternal Word. (2017). The meaning of our corded belts. https://franciscanmissionaries.com/meaning-corded-belts/
Order of Saint Benedict. (n.d.). The Rule of Benedict: Chapter 4. https://www.archive.osb.org/rb/text/rbejms3.html
Science Museum Group. (n.d.). Jugum penises, United Kingdom, 1880–1920. https://collection.sciencemuseumgroup.org.uk/
Stefani, L., Galanti, G., Padulo, J., Bragazzi, N. L., & Maffulli, N. (2016). Sexual activity before sports competition: A systematic review. Frontiers in Physiology, 7, Article 246. https://doi.org/10.3389/fphys.2016.00246
Stroppiana, L. (1989). L’arte ginnica di Icco da Taranto nel contesto socio-culturale della Magna Grecia [Gymnic art of Iccus of Taranto in the context of Magna Graecia]. Medicina nei Secoli, 1(1), 3–12. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11640078/
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